Femininity
by artemisgirl
Summary: DN 'There's no way,' Raito said incredulously. 'You are NOT a girl.' 'I never claimed to be a girl,' L shrugged. 'Then again, I never claimed to be a guy, either.' RaitoL oneshot humor


A/N: This story is the result of what happens when I am sick and severly sleep-deprived with nothing to do for two days.

Sure, they're all OOC as hell. Whatever. It's still funny, anyway. At least, I think so.

* * *

Slamming the door behind him as he entered the hotel, Raito roughly threw his coat haphazardly over a chair, stormed over to his seat and sat down angrily, scowling venomously, before logging on in a huff to so some research. 

Apprehensive, L chanced a glance over at Raito, who was glaring angrily at his computer, practically boring holes through the monitor. L sweatdropped.

"Raito-kun?"

Raito turned to scowl at the detective.

"_What?"_ he snapped, clearly annoyed.

"Ano... is something wrong, Raito-kun?" L asked, his voice somewhat timid.

"I'm _fine_, Ryuuzaki," Raito said curtly. "Things simply _couldn't_ be better."

L looked at Raito, passive.

"You know, Raito-kun," L remarked, biting his thumb, "lying about something so trivial as your feelings is a very Kira-like thing to do."

Raito turned to shoot L a dirty look.

"My feelings are none of your business, Ryuuzaki," Raito said nastily.

"That sounds like something Kira would say as well," L observed mildly.

For a moment, Raito looked angry enough to hit L, before rolling his eyes and sighing in exasperation, slumping back into his chair, defeated.

"It's Misa," Raito said tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "She wants us to move in together."

"And... you do not want to move in with her?" L asked.

"Of course not!" Raito snapped. "It'd be the end of my privacy! My freedom! I don't even _like_ the girl!"

"Then why don't you dump her?" L asked neutrally.

"It's not that simple," Raito groaned. "Though she drives me mad with all her incessant chatter, Misa performs a function. She keeps my family from trying to matchmake me with other people and from worrying that I'm giving up my life to work on the Kira case. It's not like I have time to go out and find a better girlfriend with the case and all."

Raito leaned back in his chair and sighed, covering his eyes with one hand, massaging his temples.

"It's too bad _you're_ not a girl, Ryuuzaki," Raito said idly, rubbing his head. "You'd make a _much_ better girlfriend than Misa."

L's lips twitched in amusement.

"Why do you say that, Raito-kun?" L asked, intrigue coming through in his voice.

"It's simple," Raito responded, his eyes still closed. "You're smart enough to hold an intelligent conversation, you wouldn't care about the latest celebrity gossip, and you wouldn't complain about me always being too busy working to take you out." Raito sighed. "The only thing we ever fight about is the Kira case. Otherwise, we get along fine. But Misa and I fight _all_ the time. It really _is_ too bad that you're not a girl."

There was a silence, while Raito rubbed at his eyes, trying to ward off his headache, before L spoke quietly.

"Who ever said I wasn't a girl?"

Raito cocked one eye open, looking at L oddly.

"What?"

"I said, who ever said I wasn't a girl?" L repeated.

Raito sat up and looked at L directly.

"What?" he said flatly.

"I said, who ever said-"

"I know what you said," Raito interrupted. "What did you mean by it?"

L shrugged.

"I've never claimed a gender, Raito-kun," L said. "As far as you know, I might be a girl."

Raito snorted.

"That's silly," he said, leaning back again. "You're not a girl. You're L."

"L can stand for a girl's name as well as a boy's," L pointed out. "Perhaps my name is Lauren. You do not know."

Raito looked at L incredulously. Was he serious?

"That's ridiculous," he exclaimed. "Everyone calls you Ryuuzaki and refers to you with male pronouns-"

"A gender-neutral alias, I assure you," L said mildly. "And I never specified to anyone what to refer to me with. You'll notice I always use 'watashi' when referring to myself, instead of 'boku' or 'ore'."

It was true; Raito _had_ noticed it, merely chalking it up as another one of L's oddities. But now, he began to wonder.

"But- if you were a girl, why wouldn't you stop them?" Raito asked numbly. "Surely you would have done something..."

"What better way to keep your identity a secret than to let people think you are actually a member of the opposite sex?" L said, noncommittal.

Raito stood up.

"There's no way," he said incredulously. "You are _not_ a girl."

"I never claimed to be a girl," L shrugged. "Then again, I never claimed to be a guy, either."

Raito gaped at him (or was it her?) openly.

"You are _not_ a woman," Raito said again. "If you are, where are your breasts? Where are your hips?"

L gave Raito a hurt expression.

"Now, Raito," he said, his tone admonishing. "We can't _all_ be as curvy as your precious Misa-chan."

"But there would be _some_ indication of your femininity!" Raito argued. "You might not have _large _breasts, but they'd be there!"

"Have you ever heard of androgynous women, Raito-kun?" L asked mildly.

"Yes, I have, but-"

"Then you would know that not all women have breasts," L said smoothly. "Besides, surely you have noted my baggy attire. For all you know, there might be some indication of femininity hidden underneath."

Raito goggled at him.

"But- menses," Raito said, aghast. 'Surely you don't have _that_..."

"Have you ever checked in my bathroom cupboards for sanitary supplies or looked around for any other indication of menses?" L inquired.

Raito shook his head. "No. I had no reason to-"

"Then you are making a very bold statement, Raito-kun, assuming I do not have menses."

Raito stumbled back into his chair, stunned.

"No way," he said, his eyes wide. "No way."

"Oh, come now, Raito-kun," L said. "It isn't too much of a mental stretch to consider me as a girl, is it? Surely you've wondered about my chocolate obsession before?"

Dumbly, Raito nodded.

"And is it so head to believe an individual like me would wish to be perceived as a male when males are generally considered to be of superior intelligence and held in higher regard in Japanese society?"

Raito shook his head.

"You see? Then, you have no reason to believe that I am not a woman," L reasoned. "The only question that remains is why you have so adamantly been refusing this possibility." L peered at Raito. "Perhaps you did not mean it when you said I would be a better girlfriend than Misa-chan?"

Raito shook his head.

"No, no, that isn't it," he said. "I meant every word I said."

"Then why do you not acknowledge the possibility?" L reiterated. "Perhaps you feel I am too ugly to be a woman?"

"You're not ugly, Ryuuzaki," Raito responded quickly, reassuring. "A little odd-looking perhaps, but not ugly..."

"Then why will you not accept the possibility?" L posed again. He looked at Raito expectantly, waiting for an answer.

Raito shook his head, unbelieving.

"Kami," he breathed, leaning back, overwhelmed. "It's just- I never thought- you're a- you were a guy to me- I never thought- I didn't have a chance-"

"Have a chance of what, Raito-kun?" L asked, his lips twitching upwards in an amused sort of quirk.

Raito looked at L, who looked back blankly, before he sighed, submitting.

"Have a chance with_ you_, Ryuuzaki," Raito admitted.

L looked Raito openly, his gaze masked.

"You mean in a romantic sense, such as what you have with Misa-chan, Raito-kun?" L asked softly.

Raito nodded.

L's lips quirked again. "How were you so certain you did not have a chance, Raito-kun?"he asked.

"Well, you were a guy," Raito said, shrugging. "I never thought..."

"You should know that feelings can develop for another regardless of gender, Raito-kun," L admonished. "After all, it happened with you in regards to me, no?"

"I knowthat, but still..." Raito trailed off, struggling for words. "I never thought- you never showed any interest-"

"You never showed any interest either, Raito-kun," L pointed out mildly.

"Well, yeah, but I thought you were a guy!" Raito reasoned. "I couldn't just flirt with you the way I would with a girl!"

"Why not?" L asked, uncomprehending.

"Because it's not socially acceptable!" Raito exclaimed. "I would have ended up making a fool of myself, having everyone think I'm okama..."

"But what if I _was_ interested, Raito-kun?"

"The chances of that were pretty low," Raito admitted. "I analyzed your behavior, and I did all the necessary calculations – wait." Raito paused, tilting his head, his eyes narrowing to look at L. "Why are you asking me this? Are you interested in me, Ryuuzaki?"

L shifted in his seat, looking decidedly uncomfortable.

"I never said that," he said uneasily.

"But you never said anything otherwise, did you?" Raito said, leaping in.

"No, but-"

"Then you _are _interested!" Raito crowed, leaping up triumphantly. "I know how you work! If you don't flat-out deny something, it's true!"

"I hardly think that is a wise assumption to make about my behavior, Raito-kun-"

"Oh, shut up, you," Raito said, and promptly pulled L up from his seat to kiss him full on the mouth.

Ratio kissed L frantically, heatedly, pinning him up against a wall, his lips thoroughly ravishing the other boy's. He began sucking on his bottom lip, and L gasped in shock, and Raito took full advantage of the opportunity to plunder L's mouth with his tongue.

And suddenly, L wasn't nearly so passive anymore, pulling Raito's head closer to his and passionately kissing him back, tasting of chocolate and sweets, as his tongue wrestled with Raito's as the two clashed for dominance. Raito groaned, his hips involuntarily bucking forward against L, and L moaned, and then suddenly Raito pulled back, stunned, letting L fall to the floor, dazed.

L looked up, and Raito was pointing at him with a shocked gaze.

"You're- you're not a _girl_," he accused. "I know what I just felt there, and there's _no way _a girl could have-"

"I never claimed to be a girl," L said simply, rubbing his neck where Raito had nuzzled it.

"But- but you-" Raito sputtered. "All that leading me on about pronouns and menses- I assumed-"

"You know what they say about assuming, Raito-kun," L said mildly. "I'm surprised you would have made such a lapse."

"But- but why- then why would you-"

"Perhaps I wanted to catch your interest," L said, standing up and dusting off his shirt. "Perhaps I was interested in seeing how you would react. Or perhaps I just like toying with you, Raito." L cocked his head, looking at the other boy. "Is my gender a problem, Raito-kun?"

"No, but-"

"Then I do not see why you are making such a big deal out of this when it is obvious we are both attracted to one another," L said simply. "If it would make you feel better, I'll still let you call me your girlfriend, if you wish."

"Oh, shut up, you," Raito said, and pulled the smalled boy in for another heated kiss.

* * *

So... yeah. There's my random Raito/L oneshot for the day. If you read it, please review. 


End file.
